Need a good laugh?

There are some days which really should be videoed at our house and put on reality TV, and they would add twenty years to the lifespan of every viewer via laughter. Other days...would cause homeschool moms everywhere to groan in sympathy. Read the following and judge for yourselves the kind of day on which each of these took place...

Mom: Le pièce.

Sylvia and Knut: Le pièce.

Cecily: Ditto.

Mom: I GIVE UP!

Cecily, Knut: I give up.

Mom: Sigh.

Cecily, Knut: Sigh.

Mom: Why do you choose to repeat after me when I give up??

(Cecily and Knut repeat)

Mom (As Leif is walking around with overalls unsnapped and dragging on the ground, Cecily and Thor are goofing off, and everyone is cracking up laughing): The homeschool magazines NEVER show this stuff! 

 Mom: Reflexive verbs! Let's learn about reflexive verbs, shall we, children? A reflexive verb is something you do to yourself. NOT your mother! 

Mom: Se laver; to wash oneself.
Thor: I don't like that one.
Mom: I've noticed.

Mom: He did the wrong thing very well! 

Sylvia: Ooh, I just learned about that guy! He was... interesting. ...And he died...
Mom: Yeah; most of these historical figures died! 

Cecily: I ate Thor's math.
Sylvia: Why??
Cecily: Thor had to copy a page of his math and cut certain shapes out of it. He cut out Packman and a lightning bolt. They weren't supposed to be Packman and a lightning bolt; they were supposed to be different shapes, but they looked like Packman and a lightning bolt.
Sylvia: So you ate them?
Cecily: Well, he cut out those shapes, and then I ate the rest. 

Cecily: This brain didn't work either! :(

Sylvia: Je suis mort. (I died.)
Mom: Very good! 

Knut: Blood doesn't smell like lobster!! 

Gloria: It doesn't make sense!

Sylvia: Did you try reading the instructions?

Gloria: ...Instructions?

Sylvia: Children! What are you doing??
(Three VERY innocent faces peer over the edge of the seat)
Cecily: Talking about cereal! And cereal killers. 

Mom: Hey; what's your book doing closed?
Cecily: Taking a break.
Mom: Your book doesn't need a break. Open it up and get it done. 

Knut: Roses are red; violets are blue. That means that by the commutative property, A + B = B + A...

Sylvia: But the commutative property doesn't work in this case, because you're not adding; you're comparing. SOME roses are red; SOME red things are roses. Not all roses are red; not all red things are roses.

Knut: (wounded expression) ...You're messing up my spiel! 

Sylvia: Oh, you could never guess my passwords.

Knut: Well then, I could just get a time machine that can travel into different dimensions and get Sherlock, and he can...

Sylvia: If you let me meet Sherlock, you can HAVE all my passwords!!

Knut: Oh really now... *evil grin* I could get a lot of people, actually.

Sylvia: Ooh, could you get Agatha Christie?? And Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?? They could teach me how to write good mysteries!

Knut: For that you'd just need a regular time machine, not one that can travel to different dimensions.

Sylvia: Well, get me a time machine, then!

Bjorn: Hi, Bubbies!
Gloria: What did you say?
Bjorn: I wasn't talking to you; I was talking to the wheat thins.

Knut: Okay, the first time I came  up, Sylvia was saying "And now it is time for you to die." The second time, she threw something at me. And the third time, Gloria was running away and Cecily was yelling "Eeeee!!!!"
(In context it all made sense...)  

(Knut walks up dragging a tree)
Knut: Sylvia, do you know where this goes?  

(Gloria and Rosemary are supposed to be going to sleep, but they're talking.)
Sylvia: CHILDREN!!!
Gloria: Go where I send thee!
Sylvia (singing to the tune of Children, Go Where I Send Thee): Children, you're going to be in... big trouble... if you don't go to sleep RIGHT NOW!!
(All three girls [Rosemary, Gloria, and Sylvia] burst into laughter)
Sylvia: (as she takes laundry baskets downstairs) WHEN WILL I LEARN NOT TO LAUGH WHILE I'M GIVING A SCOLDING??? ...I guess it would help if I wasn't singing the scolding...
Cecily (as Sylvia's going downstairs): Sylvia, aren't you forgetting something?
Sylvia: Yes: MY SANITY! 

Knut: Yeah, I have a PhD in annoyance. I'm so annoying that I got on my own nerves. I'm just that good. 

Sylvia: I'm starting to be able to read you guys' minds and know when you haven't finished all your bedtime chores.
Thor: You have??
Sylvia: Yes. 'Cause it's every night! 

Papa: Speaking of wedding rings and socks, I called the Embassy (a ministry for college students) the other day...
(Everyone stares at him blankly)
Grandma: How did that relate?
Papa: It didn't.
(Get him to tell you the actual story that incorporated a wedding ring and a sock...)  

Knut: You know it's cold outside when you go outside and it's cold.  

Gloria: Oh, that's what all the scratching was! Ashes (the cat) was in Rosemary's top dresser drawer! 

Knut: If X marks the spot, then math teachers must be pirates!