When Cecily, Thor, and their friends start talking about "dangerous substances"...

Johnathan:  H2O  must be outlawed. It has been found at every crime scene.

Cecily:  Every year, millions of children die from over-exposure to H2O.

Matthew:  H2O has been found in the bodies of every murdered person.

Johnathan:  If terrorists do not have access to H2O, they will not be able to commit crimes. (because they will be dead)

Thor:  H2O  is a dangerous acid.

Cecily:  Almost all of our drinking water is contaminated with H2O.

Matthew:  When atom bombs explode, they create H2O.

Cecily:  H2O  is commonly  used by robbers, murderers, and even politicians.

Johnathan:  H2o has been the cause of death for many people.

Cecily:  (Extreme) overuse of H2O can result in  stomach aches and possibly death. 

Matthew: Terrorists use H2O in great amounts.

Thor: Millions of people have become addicted to H2O and think that they cannot live without it.

Cecily: H2O has polluted our air. It has built up in our clouds so much over the past few years that every time it rains, gallons of H2O fall from the sky.

*H2O = water